Heartless you may say....
Is it that simple, to be heartless and not know how the other person feels? What has been going on in your own best pals' head...maybe it is, i guess somehow, because it is too often that i have personally felt this.Or maybe, understanding an emotional wreck is a different story altogether. It has been long since i have felt like a carpet..with people walking all over me, wanting me to explain things to them, to understand them...to stay sane with the kind of conversations they have. A compromise, thats what it all has been...a trivial little understading...Sometimes i wonder, is it not high time that i resolve all this, and ask 'the others' to quit treating me like a mushroom...Always keeping me in the dark and feeding me bullshit.I feel dead inside, devoid of emotions towards a second person..its a phase..they call it a phase..DUH!!! So dear phase, it is high time that i phase out of this and start afresh..with a new skin..new mind...chase my dreams down..and not be the same old hag caught in the rat-race.
My belief in people slowly dwindles away, and so does my interest...Have you heard Iris(Goo Goo Dolls), that just verbatim explains the state of my mind currently.
"I dont want the world to see me..coz i dont think, that they'd understand..when everything seems to be broken...i just want you to know who I am"
"You cant fight the tears that aint coming...oh! the moment of truth in your lies....When everything feels like the movies...you bleed just to know, you're alive"
The smiley seems so fake to me, and the addiction is so caught up..that it has to feature instead of every punctuation.Does this need to be the case? Do i need to fabricate my feelings and walk around with a psuedo enthusiasm, which never actually existed?
Maybe yes, if i dont want to risk the charm of just keeping happy from outside..and Maybe no, if i dont want to be no different from a street urchin, who unlike me has to fake poverty..which i think is comparitively easier.The tedious task is to let go of the bonds, and it surely is more painful for the rest than for me to just let go.Would you call this heartless...I surely wont....
posted by Swarna Subash @ 4:13 AM
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